


My Immoral

by BloodInTheFields, thinkbucket



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, F/F, Goth Yen, Harry Potter Parody, Owlippa, Thotssaia, and some Weird Sexy Times, my immortal parody, rated for language, smolssaia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24241330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheFields/pseuds/BloodInTheFields, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkbucket/pseuds/thinkbucket
Summary: What's up preps, I'm Yennefer Fireball Darkness Purple Mist Vengerberg and I'm a teacher at Aretuza.or, a parody of legendary fanfiction My Immortal
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 92
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Born from the accusation that we couldn't write a My Immortal parody that anyone would read, we, BloodInTheFields and thinkbucket have decided that we cannot back down from such a challenge. Here comes the crackfic no one's asked for but everyone will love to hate........................
> 
> we present to you..... MY IMMORAL

Hello, my name is Yennefer Fireball Darkness Purple Mist Vengerberg and I have not too long ebony black hair (my mother almost named me Ebony but then thought it was edgier to name me Jennifer with a “Y”) with soft waves that reach a little past my shoulders and purple misty eyes and a lot of people tell me I look like Daenerys Targaryen. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white (unlike the rest of me lol). I have tanned olive skin, I’m also a witch, and I teach at a magic school called Aretuza on Thanedd Island where I’m a professor. I’m 70 years old but I look 25 cuz I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell already by how edgy I am) and I only wear black and white. I love Hot Topic even though it doesn’t exist on the Continent so I have to order everything online. For example, today I was wearing a black and white fucking rope dress that’s really just one giant paracord survival bracelet and is a pain cuz it gets caught on EVERYTHING that I walk past. I was wearing combat boots, black lipstick, black eyeliner and bright ass blue eyeshadow because Rectoress Tissaia likes blue so I decided it looks good with purple eyes. I was walking outside of Aretuza. It was snowing and raining and hailing so there was no sun, which I was very happy about, cuz I love getting pelted by hail. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Yennefer!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….. Rectorass de Vil!!

“What’s up Raptorass?” I asked. 

“Nothing.” she said shyly.

But then, the hail started hurting and I felt awkward because I like staring at the Rectorass’ ass so I had to go back inside.

  
-

_(A/N ok is dis good be honest cuz it’s my first story FANGZ!!)_

-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fangz 2 all da super goffik ppl 4 da good reviews!!! oh yeah, BTW DISCLAIMER we don't own da withcer it belongs 2 netfliks and mister Andrzej!!

Inside I had to teach a class but Triss Merigold came up to me. She’s like this straight A student who sucks up to me cuz I think she’s a lesbian and I’m hot so it makes sense. 

“Professor I have a problem,” she cried.

“What’s up princess,” I said. 

She blushed and chuckled and giggled. I raised my eyebrow at her kinkily.

“I am on my period, and someone stole my pads,” she exclaimed.

I don’t have periods anymore since I’m seventy, and besides, my ovaries got ripped out of my vajayjay when I graduated, so I was like, this is annoying. I left to teach my class. I could feel Stressed Merigold’s eyes on me as I put up my middle finger to her.

“I’ll tell Rectoress de Vries,” she roared.

* * *

The next day I woke up in my large coffin (it fits two fat people but I sleep alone). My coffin is black and white lace, and velvet. I sleep naked on the off chance that Rectoress Thotssaia decides to pay me a visit during the night. I put on a new leather dress and my earrings, and brushed my raven hair with my comb from Target. It was a gift from my best friend Philippa and it had a jewel encrusted in it.

“What’s up you bloody slut,” Philippa screamed as she entered my bedroom.

“Fuck you, you nut owl,” I laughed.

“I saw you talking to Cameltoessaia yesterday,” she said excitedly.

She only called her that cuz of that one day we went riding with the preps and Tissaia wore pants and it gave her a cameltoe.

“So what,” I asked, blushing.

“So you like her!” 

I slapped her and she punched me back. We have that kinda friendship but she’s like my sister from another mister. I’ve known Philippa for decades. Sometimes me and the preps call her Phil cuz she changes into a man or an owl.

“Do you wanna bang her,” she queried.

“I so don’t,” I shouted!

Just then, someone knocked on the door!!!

“Come in,” I snarled.

It was Rectarass de Vil, looking fly in her tight corset. 

“What’s up Titssaia,” I asked.

She never noticed when I called her Titssaia.

“There is a… a festival in town, tomorrow night. Would you like to come with me,” she spluttered.

“OMG,” I screamed!! “I LOVE FESTIVALS!”

Philippa looked jealous that I had a hot date with Teslaia but I put up my middle finger at her and stuck out my tongue. Tissaia blushed and left my room. I was so impatient for tomorrow!

* * *

_(A/N: do u lik dis bucket cuz now we hav the festival)_

* * *

_(dis art by xJellyDonut thanks bb omg u da best!)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: OMFG FANGZ 4 ALL THE GUD REVOOS! IF U FLAME DIS STORY UR A FUCKING H8R N A PREP!!!!11)

On the night of the festival I put on my sexiest top that showed my cleavage cuz I noticed Thotssaia staring at my boobs sometimes and I wanted to look hot (I am NOT a SLUT ok!). It was a corset with lace and I also wore a black leather skirt with fishnets and combat boots. I straightened my hair with the iron I bought at Walmart and drank some fireball while I waited for Tissaia to be ready. She came to my room and knocked. I opened and I saw her outfit. She was wearing a green dress with a high collar but it showed some cleavage and she blushed when I licked my lips. We went outside and we teleported together to the festival…...

I spotted some preps from school. There were Sabrina and Triss, wrapped up in each other and I hollered at them to keep their hands off each other. Teethssaia approached them and yanked Sabrina off Triss.

“What are you doing you motherfuckers,” she yelled!

“Rect-ass,” Sabrina shouted as she jumped away from Triss. “We were just enjoying the music!”

“You fools!”

I took Teethssaia de Wrath’s hand and dragged her away. Sabrina dabbed, she often did that so I called her Dabrina. We approached the stage where Greek Harlot (A/N: geddit???) was playing some rock music I liked.

“Jewel is so fucking hot,” I said. 

Jewel was the singer. Tissaia looked sad suddenly.

“What’s wrong,” I inquired as we danced to the music. Then I caught on. “Hey, you know I think you’re way hotter right?”

“Really?” Tissaia beamed.

“Hell yeah,” I bellowed and I put my arm around her shoulder.

Next to us was Stregoboar, an old wizard who taught Illusions at Aretuza who looked gross and smelly. Tissaia hated him and so did I. He looked at Tissaia and bared his teeth so I put up my middle finger at him and we left. We decided to get ice-cream and I picked a combo of blood and berry flavor. Thotssaia picked mint and ginger which was the slutty combo. After we finished, she looked at me all shyly.

“Do you wanna get out of here,” she asked coyly.

“Nah we should get a beer first,” I said cuz I was thirsty.

She agreed so we bought beer and went to sit with the preps. There was Geralt, a seventh year, aka White Wolfie because he had long white hair and liked to howl at the full moon sometimes. 

“Sup fucker,” I declared when we sat down.

“Hi Professor Vengerberg,” he grunted.

Next to him was Jaskier, an annoying fifth year who was in love with Wolfie or something cuz he was always making up songs on his ukulele about him but pretended they weren’t about Geralt.

“Hey Bright Eyes,” I called to Geralt, cuz of his yellow eyes, “do you like Greek Harlot?”

“They’re good,” he shrugged.

I chugged my beer and burped and Tissaia laughed. I couldn’t stop staring at her and she noticed so she blushed and caressed my hand. My pale body became all warm and that’s when I decided to leave. But when I stood up Margarita Lentil came up to me and wanted to high-five Tissaia so I put up my middle finger at her as a warning. She was wearing a blood red dress that made her look whorish and she was drunk as usual. Her boobs were almost out. Hoessaia gawked at her and I felt jealous so I left but she followed me and pushed me against a tree.

“What’s wrong,” she lamented.

“Do you like Margatattas,” I sobbed.

“I like you, you silly billy,” she mocked.

“Really,” I asked.

She leaned in extra-close and I looked into her gooey blue eyes. Then she kissed me for the first time and I heard White Wolf howl in the distance. Then we wanted some privacy so we teleported back to the school and went to the infirmary but Eist the school nurse aka Mister Fix-It was already using one bed with Coach Calanthe, aka Mega Bitch aka the Lioness who was in charge of Aretuza’s baseball team. He had his thingy into her you-know-what and Tissaia hurled.

“You ignorant sluts!” She shouted before I could stop her. “My office, NOW!”

She was mad so I didn’t go with her cuz I didn’t wanna but Eist and Mega Bitch followed her. I heard Shoutssaia tell them to stop having intercourse in the nurse’s office and to stop being mediocre dunces. Calanthe screeched and after that I couldn’t hear anything so I brushed my teeth and climbed into my coffin for the night.

(A/N: leave reviewz k cuz oderwize u get rekt)

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

_(A/N: FANGZ TO BLOOD 4 WRITIN DIS WID ME UR DA BESTEST EVA. Also if u falme dis fic it meanz ur a poser! PS im nut upd8ing umtil I get 5 god revoiws~~!)_

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I prepared for class. I teach defensive spells mostly cuz I just like sending students flying across the rooms. Fringilla decided to challenge me. She’s a sixth year and a stuck-up so I often call her Frigidlad to piss her off.

“Professor I have mastered the spell,” she proclaimed.

I roared with laughter, holding my belly. She scowled and pouted so I calmed down and decided to test her.

“Alright, let’s see.”

She took her place opposite me and before she could even utter the words of the spell, I sent her flying back. She crashed into the bookshelves and passed out from the shock. I dismissed the class and told some preps to take Frigid Virgo to the infirmary.

* * *

I went to the dining hall where Phil was waiting as an owl. She liked to scare the youngest students by flying just above their heads. One day a prep had set her on fire by accident and she had set the prep on fire on purpose and almost gotten fired. She’s a crazy bitch but I love her. 

But I saw that Vilgefart was talking to Tissaia and I became very angry. My body felt hot with jealousy. I saw his hands with black nailpolish try to grab Tissaia’s and I stalked over to them and bumped into him.

“Move, farthead,” I warned.

“Well hello to you too, Yennefer,” he said in his stupid accent.

“Don’t you have a class to teach,” I asked him menacingly.

“Yes,” he squeaked and almost ran out of the dining hall.

I watched him leave and met Sabrina’s eyes. She dabbed and turned toward Triss and Geralt. They were all friends. I looked at Tissaia and she smiled shyly at me. 

“I had fun last night,” I said with a wink.

“Me too,” she giggled.

Her pale neck was on display and I wanted to bite into it with my fake fangs (A/N Yennefer didn’t actually have fangs even if she’s a vampire) to see if she would have an orgasm. Phil as an owl landed on the table and knocked over Tissaia’s cup of tea so I slapped the owl off the table. Wreck-It Renfri appeared through the wall and pointed her ghost finger at Philippa who had now transformed into her human form. She was the school ghost. She was a student once who was accidentally killed by Gerlat in their first year, but it was an accident so nobody got in trouble. She liked to wreck things and terrorize people, so we all called her Wreck-It Renfri.

“Ass,” Philippa muttered, both at me and at Renfri.

I flipped her off and took a seat next to Tissaia so I could snuggle against her. She fed me strawberries. I like strawberries cuz they’re red and juicy, like blood. She rubbed my back and I grinned.

“Why, Rectrass de Vires, you are behaving very lewdly this morning,” I gasped.

“Hmm yes,” she moaned in my ear.

“Good morning Rectoress,” Triss said as she appeared in front of us and curtsied. 

“Stressed Merigold,” Tissaia acknowledged with a wave of her hand.

“Triss,” Triss corrected.

I could tell that Tissaia didn’t care about the prep so I rolled my eyes and told Triss to move along. She hissed at me and joined Dabrina on the bench. 

Now I had Tissaia all to myself again, and she could keep feeding me strawberries and rubbing my back and it felt nice.

But then all of a suddenly, there was a great bang as the doors to the hall slammed open. It was……..…...…. Stregoboar!!

“OMFG!” everybody yelled. 

Stregoboar was looking like a big old boar and tearing down the center of the dining hall. He had two giant tusks and really crusty fur and he galloped down and all the students had to dive out of the way screaming and crying cuz his tusks kept knocking kids over. Tissaia stood up and I was mad because that meant that she couldn’t feed me strawberries anymore so I had to feed myself. 

“WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!” Tissaia screeched as I munched on an extra juicy strawberry and the juice dribbled down my chin. Everybody got really quiet then. Then the only sound was Stregoboar the Boar huffing and puffing and pawing at the ground. I went to take another strawberry but Tissaia smacked my hand. I smacked her ass but she ignored me.

“Professor Stregoboar, who did this to you?” Tissaia queried.

“Reeee reee reeeeeeee ree!!” Stregoboar squealed.

“Well that’s not good,” she concluded. She turned to me and confided, “I didn’t understand him.”

Now we had to find out who turned Professor Strigabor into a boar! And, who would be next?!

* * *

_(fangz agin to xJellyDonut for ur drawling of strogoboar dis is da fukin best)_

* * *

_(A/N: IZ IT GOOD?)_

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG BLOOD IM SO SRY I 4GOT TO UPD8 DONUT H8 ME PLZ T_T Q_Q ;_; 
> 
> ALSO!!!!! TODAI MAY 22 IS WORLD GOFFIK DAY!!!! HAPPY GOFFIK DAY YOU FUCKIN RAD GOFFIK PEEPZ!! GO CELEBR8 THIS INTERNATIONAL HOLYDAY

Yellssaia yelled at all the students telling them to hurry up and go to their classes. I was one of the only professors who didn’t have a class to teach so I got stuck with having to be the substitute teacher. Only I don’t know anything about teaching Illusion magic! But Tissaia said if I did it I would get a treat later and I really wanted some you-know-what so of course I agreed to do it. 

So I started reading a book to the preps about illusions and I could tell they didn’t care cuz they were chatting and passing notes. I stood up and grabbed the note from a boy named Drama or something dumb, and I read it out loud and it was addressed to that weird emo girl with white hair--I think she’s Geralt’s sister.

“Ciri do you wanna go to the winter ball with me,” I read in a sexy tone. 

All the preps laughed because my voice was hilarious and Drake ran out of the room in shame so I had to write him up for leaving the class without permission.

* * *

The next day we still hadn’t found out who’d turned Professor Strogonoff into a boar, but the cooks were talking about killing him so they could butcher him and feed him to the school. Me and Philippa thought that was a great idea. But every time we got close enough he would squeal all piggishly and gallop away. 

We were all sitting having a teacher meeting and laughing our buttcheeks off whenever he tried to speak. He would just get madder and madder and squeal but we all kept laughing. Philippa called him Professor Pumba and he charged at her but she just turned into an owl and flapped around him making lots of owl sounds. 

I guffawed so hard I almost lost another buttcheek. Titssaia leaned forward and frowned at me so I shut up immediately cuz I didn’t want her to be mad at me.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

“Are you,” she shouted.

“YES!” I yelled back.

Vilgrossfart stood up and put his hands up to bring silence but Philippa shat on him before flying away. She hated him more than I did cuz of that one time he spied on her while she bathed. He tried to blast her with magic but Phil was already gone.

Then I stood up and asked Titssaia if she wanted to come to the winter ball with me and she said yes so we left to make out for a while before her next class.

My black nailpolish contrasted with my pale skin and Hoessaia held my hand. We walked thru the hallway and found a spot so we frenched passively and I wanted to take off her clothes but we were in public so I couldn’t cuz of the preps. She felt me up through my clothes and my body was tingly and warm.

Suddenly…... Margatiddies showed up and hollered at Tissaia so I got mad and put up my middle finger with the skeleton ring at her. Tissaia seemed happy to see her so I got even madder!

“Are you in love with her or something,” I shouted.

“Piglet it’s not what you think,” Thotssaia screamed sadly.

“Don’t be a dimwit, Yeffener,” Margatattas mocked. 

And then I saw it…. THE TATTOO!!! She had a tattoo on her tattas and it was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it was written the word… Rectoress!

“You bloody BITCH,” I yelled furiously and I ran away to my room.

I decided to change into my comfiest pajamas and sleep. I took off my black dress and braided my long hair into a braid like I’d seen Whoressaia do to her horse one day. Horses made good companions and good meat. My pajamas were dark grey corduroy pants and a black silk blouse that I bought at Hot Topic. I put on some heavy metal and banged my head to the music and screamed. Then I climbed into my coffin and closed it.

I was so angry at the Rectrass and that big old Margaritual!!! How could they do this to me!! Then I fell asleep and dreamed of blood.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: fangz 2 blood 4 helping me wriintng dis fic ur the koolest kid on the blok)

When I tried to climb out of my coffin the next morning I realized that I couldn’t. I was stuck. I knew if I couldn’t get out of it I would miss my first class but I was still mad about yesterday. I cried tears of blood then hit my coffin. That’s when I heard… a noise! Someone was there!!!

“HELP!!” I shouted. “I’m in here!!”

I heard an evil laugh and got scared for a second but then I realized who it was… PHILIPPA!!

“Get your fat ass off my coffin you dumb bitch,” I yelled. “Or I’ll pluck your feathers off your dusty old ass and feed you to Stregoboar!!!”

She opened my coffin and climbed in with me.

“What happened with Thotssaia,” she asked angrily.

“Nothing,” I said in a depressed way. “I think she cheated on me with Lentil.”

“Hot Rita? Damn. She’s got big--”

“SHUT UP!!” I shouted! 

I didn’t want to hear about her slutty boobs!! Philippa shrugged and then laughed. I thought it was rude cuz I was sad but then she said….

“Dabrina got turned into a ferret. Stressed Merigold carried her to the Recatrass’s room and she cried.”

I laughed cuz it was hilarious but then I got sad again thinking of Tissaia. I wanted to talk to her. I got up and asked Philippa to do my hair cuz she is good at it so she undid my braid and straightened my hair with her owl claws.

“Get dressed Yenna, we’ll check on Dabrina.”

I slipped into my sluttiest dress to make Tissaia feel warm and tingly, but I wasn’t gonna give her nothing after she broke my heart!

* * *

Triste Merigold was crying and the small weird white-haired girl was comforting her. I walked round the corner and bumped into Frigidla looking all suspicious like she was hiding something behind her back but I didn’t care. She was annoying, always trying to request meetings with me. I know the preps all love me cuz I’m cool but I was mad annoyed with her.

“Professor,” she exclaimed!

“Not now,” I barked and I walked away.

She burst down into tears and tried to join the hug between Triste and Siri but they didn’t want her so she cried harder like a big baby and ran away all depressed.

I entered Tissaia’s office and there was a ferret on her desk. It was a bit ugly but I said nothing cuz I didn’t feel like being mean. I was too angsty about my break-up with the Rectrass. She looked at me shyly.

“How are you Yenna?” she asked me in a sad way.

“Bad,” I replied to her in an equally sad way.

I felt emo but I didn’t wanna be a lil bitch about it. We needed to focus on Dabrina. The ferret squeaked and I thought it was cute despite being ugly and maybe I could keep it as a pet.

“You cannot keep her as a pet,” Tissaia warned immediately.

She could read people’s minds. I was a little bit offended cuz I can take very good care of pets I think. 

“And why is that,” I inquired, annoyed.

“Because she is a student.”

I had a bad feeling. I had been a student too and Philippa had once turned me into a goldfish for fun and thrown me into a pond, and I had survived cuz I was a vampire but still, I had survived.

“So who will keep her safe while we figure out who did this to her?”

“Margarita,” Tissaia said icily.

It was like a bucket of water was thrown at me.

“HOW DARE YOU!!” I shouted!

My eyes became red and Hoessaia grabbed my hands to calm me down. She looked so pretty with her black dress and her blue eyes like the sky, I wanted to be mad at her but it was difficult.

“There is nothing between me and Margatits. She’s a friend,” she explained softly.

“But the tattoo,” I cried.

“It’s about that one time she became Rectoress because I had caught Miss Rona. She was so happy to take my place that she got a tattoo for it.”

“But I’ve never seen it before,” I shouted doubtedly.

“She usually covers it with foundation,” Titssaia said calmly.

I stared at her chest and remembered how it had felt to have her hands all over mine. I wanted to do this again. But then I shrieked!!! Something had bit my ankle!! It was….. DABRINA!

* * *

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N;; sry iz so short anyone wanna h,elp me illostrate dis fic (-thinkbuckit)

At lunch we all gathered in the dining hall, me and the teachers and the preps. Stregoboar was chained up by the wall making boar sounds and Tissaia had to yell at the preps to stop throwing paper balls at him. I wanted to throw a fireball at him just to see if he’d go up in flames and I thought maybe it would make good smoked meat.

“STOP IT NOW YOU FUCKING SIMPLETONS!!!” Yellssaia shouted so loud that the walls shook.

The students all sat down at once. None of them wanted to be turned into eels.

“We have a great matter on our hands,” Vilgefloss said gravely. “Someone is turning our people into animals!!! I ACCUSE PHILIPPA!!”

He pointed at my best friend, sitting right next to him. She was drinking wine and she flipped him off. I laughed. I knew Phil wouldn’t do it without telling me.

“You imbecile,” I mocked. “Philippa didn’t do this. And if you keep accusing her I will turn you into a pig and have you roasted for the winter ball next week.”

“AHA! So it’s YOU!” Vilgeporkz bellowed. “When it’s not one, it’s the other!!”

“Shut your fartface,” Margartita chimed in, chugging her wine.

For once I agreed with her and I thought she was pretty cool when she wasn’t all up Tissaia’s skirt.

“I will get to the bottom of this,” Tissaia declared. “NOW RID MY SIGHT YOU DESPICABLE PREPS!!!”

The students all scurried out of the hall. They had classes to attend. I blew a kiss at Tissaia and put up my middle finger at Vilgrossfart before leaving to teach the first year dumdums.


	8. Chapter 8

There were no further incidents that week aside from maybe another student turned into a rat or something, and soon enough it was the day of the winter ball. I was going with Tissaia.

I put on my favorite band, My Toxic Romance (A/N: if u don’t know who dey r get da hell outta here!!1), and started to sing along to my fave song, Rowena. I picked out my best clothes for the ball, it had to be extra extra special. Something that would make Tissaia’s jaw and panties drop. 

I fished through my closet and pulled out my black fishnet stockings and gloves. They hadn’t been in style for the past fifty years but tonight they’d make a comeback. Plus, Tissaia was old.

I pulled on a black skirt with lots of straps and buckles and studs and skulls and pentagrams. I found my favorite band tee, My Toxic Romance of course, and then my extra special combat boots that were covered in spikes and studs. I straightened my hair, and then I cut my bangs so it would cover one eye, and then I used a spell to put purple streaks that matched my eyes all through my jet black hair. I checked my outfit in the mirror and I flipped my hair. Then I made finger guns at myself. 

I was screaming along to my favorite part and coloring my nails black with a Sharpie when Philippa burst into my room.

“You sound like a banshee,” she crowed at me.

“At least I don’t look like one,” I retorted back to her sensibly as I colored in my pinky nail.

“Grill are you really coloring your nails in with black Sharpie,” Philippa gasped in a flabbergasted way.

“Uh huh.” I said boredly. “Do you think Tissaia will like it?” I said as I stretched out my hands and inspected my nails. 

“Who cares, I want to do it too,” she snatched the Sharpie and started scribbling on her nails. 

“Stop being such a poser and get your own ideas!” I growled and snatched it back. 

She hissed at me. 

I didn’t care, cuz she was being a poser. But I actually secretly liked it, because that meant she liked my nails. So I let her snatch it back again and color her nails in with the Sharpie. 

“Next time we should do black and red.” Philippa said excited like. 

“I only wear black and white.” I corrected her. 

“Ok then you can use White Out.” She amended. 

“Oh good idea.” Then she finished coloring her nails and we got up and went to find Tissaia. 

__

Philippa went to go to her date’s room to pick them up for the Winter Ball. I went to Tissaia’s room and then I knocked on the door. 

Tissaia opened the door. She was wearing a red dress the color of blood. I licked my lips. It had a high collar cuz she always likes to wear high collars, maybe it’s cuz I’m a vampire and she doesn’t want her neck to be a temptation to me to bite it. But she’s wrong because I always want to bite her. Her hair was done up in two buns on either side of her head like Princess Leia. They looked like cinnamon rolls. I licked my lips again. Her eyeshadow and mascara and eyeliner was black and she looked so goffik and I thought she looked really pretty. 

“Hi,” Tissaia said in a blushing way. 

“Hi back,” I said in an equally blushing way. We both blushed. She was really pretty. I wanted to fang her and bang her. 

“You’re really pretty,” I said to her shyly. 

“You’re really pretty, too;” she said back. 

We both looked at each other for some time. Tissaia had beautiful icy blue eyes the color of her icy soul. I leaned in and we kissed lazily. She put her hand on mine and we held hands as we kissed. Then it was time to head to……. the WINTER BALL!!

  



	9. Chapter 9

(A/N: HEADS UP 7 UP!! THIS CHAPTER HAS SHMEXY TIMEZZZ)

When we walked into the ballroom I spotted Phil right away. She was wearing black leather pants and a green fluffy blouse that was cut stylishly. She had pinned her braids into a bun that made her look manly. I looked to the side and saw who her date was… I gasped! It was… MARGATATTAS!!

I was MAD at Phil for daring to bring that Whorita as her date! Titssaia took my hand and leaned in to whisper in my ear.

“Don’t be mad,” she whimpered. 

“I’m not,” I mumbled but I was. 

I wanted to claw Phil’s eyes out but I didn’t have nails long enough cuz I’m a lesben and that was not the kind of blood I liked to draw.

“Stop lying to me you fungus,” Yellssaia shouted.

I was confused cuz as much as I liked her, Tissaia always seemed to get angry for nothing. So much anger in such a small frame.

“Let’s just dance,” I said in a sad voice.

“Ok, let’s.” Tissaia said cheerily. 

Then we danced. I usually hated balls, but I guess now that I had Smolssaia in my arms it was fine. I wanted to bite her neck. I thought it would make a mess and annoy the preps in detention cuz they’d have to clean the floor tomorrow. But then Phil hollered at me and I saw her dancing with Margarita and I cast a quick spell on her so she’d trip on her feet. She tried to do the same but her spell hit Tissaia instead so she stumbled into me and we fell to the floor. It was humiliating.

“PHILIPPA YOU BIG BITCH!!!”   
  


I yelled so loud that I summoned Wreck-It Renfri who appeared at her side and pulled down her pants. Now that my revenge was complete, me and Tissaia decided to drink some punch. Stressed Merigold was sitting by the bowl, looking all depressed now that she didn’t have her girlfriend with her. She looked at me with hopeful eyes and I ignored her so she tried to run away crying but she was drunk so she fell and I laughed. Tissaia also laughed and tried to hide it but it was very obvious.

Suddenly there was a big CRASH and everyone screamed!!! Because………..

A white wolf appeared! It had long pale fangs the color of the moon and yellow eyes the color of the moon when it’s yellow. The wolf looked super familiar but I couldn’t tell why until…

“Gerlat!” Jasker cried out. 

“Oh shit,” I bellowed. “Smolssaia get back!”

I put myself in front of her to protect her with my tall, sexy body. I knew she liked it when I showed my protective side.

“It’s that 7th year prep, isn’t it,” Titssaia said as her bewbies pressed into my back which was very distracting and not helping me focus at all on the new threat.

I had my best combat books luckily so if Wolfie came too close I could just kick him in the jaw. Phil turned into an owl and left but not before shitting on Vilgrassfrost’s shoulder. The wolf was approaching Triss on the floor and I had to cast a quick spell to shield her while Titssaia threw a spell at Garett that put him to sleep.

“BACK TO YOUR ROOMS MORONS, THE BALL IS CANCELLED!!!” Tissaia shouted at the top of her lungs.

The preps scattered and I was left with Tissaia, Rita, and the twink flute-boi who didn’t want to leave Geralt. Even that punk Vilgetfuckt had run away with the students.

“Jaskier, go to your room,” Margarita ordered him in a tense sounding tone. 

“You’re not my MOM,” he yelled. 

“Listen here you little punk ass bitch, that wolf will TEAR INTO YOUR ASS if you don’t leave now!”

I had never seen Margagrita so angry before. It was kind of amusing. She looked funny.

“WELL MAYBE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT TO HAPPEN,” loverboi shouted right back, angrily wiping at his tears.

While they were busy screaming at each other, Strongssaia and I carried the wolf to the park outside and we conjured up a pen. I waited til Garelt came to and when he did, he howled at the moon even though it wasn’t visible tonight nor was it a full moon. I bared my teeth at him and he snarled so I put up my middle finger at him and went back inside. I was tired and wanted to go to bed but in my room, waiting for me in my coffin, was…. THOTSSAIA!!!

“Oh Yenna, the events of tonight have made me quite hot,” she flirted. “I was hoping you could help me out of this dress.”

All of my blood ran south, and I felt very hot and dizzy. I wanted to put my hands on her bewbs immediately but I knew Titssaia wanted romance so I tried to remember some song lyrics from Greek Harlots and what they would say to do in a moment like this.

“I would love to help,” I flirted.

“How kind,” she flirted back.

Then we started making out aggressively. Her tongue was in my mouth and my fangs came out but they aren’t really pointy so people think they’re just regular canines but they don’t know shit about vampires. Hoessaia pulled back and I was breathing heavily. Then, she put her pinky in my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” I screamed cuz I was beginning to get an organism. We started to kiss everywhere and then I started to gush like a waterfall. “Tissaia! Tissaia!” I yelled.

Then she took out her pinky and cleaned it with a handkerchief. 

“Thank you.” I giggled.

“You’re welcome.” Tissaia said back.

“That felt good.” I praised.

“It was really nice.” she agreed.

“Do you want a turn?” I queried.

“No, I’m tired.” she declared.

So we fell asleep.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, I woke up and I was the little spoon and Thotssaia was humping me in her sleep and breathing extra hard in my ear. It felt so good and I was getting all warm and tingly. 

“Oh, oh, yes, yes, Yennefer,” she said in her sleep.

It was so sexy I thought I was dead. But then I would be dead and that would be necrophilia so I was glad I wasn’t actually dead. She was just assleep. So I guess Tissaia had sleepingpeoplephilia. Anyway, it was really hot and I liked it so I let her keep doing it until she screamed and then she woke up and screamed again, only this time it was because she was startled not cuz of an orgasm. 

“AHHHHH!” she shrieked.

“AHHHHH!” I shrieked too.

She looked at me and I looked at her. We looked at each other. Her eyes were blue, bright blue, like the sky or the ocean. Or other blue things. They were really pretty eyes. 

“Good morning, beautiful lady,” I said in a sweet tone.

“Your breath stinks,” she disclosed. 

“If I brush my teeth can I kiss you?” I barked.

“No, I have stinky breath too,” she snapped.

“You just sexed me in your sleep!” I screeched.

“Well you should have kissed me before I woke up!” she bleated.

I gawked at her. 

“Thank you for the orangism.” she chirped and then she kissed me on the forehead and got out of bed. “You should get ready or you're going to be late for class you lazy ass,” she warned and then she left to get ready.

“YOU’RE WELCOME!” I howled after her and then I started to get ready too. I was going to find my hottest, most sexiest clothes to distract her in. I would get Kissaia back later. The battle was on!!

(A/N: stop flamin dey datin so Tiss can geddit!!!)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPI SATURDAY PREPZ HAV A LONGER CHAPTER
> 
> we luv you and cerhish all of you FANGZ 4 READING

“Professor! Professor!” Fringilalala called after me as I was on the way to class. 

“Can’t talk gonna be late!” I said as I dashed through the halls. Then I had a thought and I stopped and turned around. She was standing in the middle of the hallway, and she looked like she really wanted to say something, but before she could open her mouth I shouted, “You’re gonna be late to your class! Fifty points from Gryffindor!!” 

“What even is Gryffindor!” she wailed. 

“Don’t know don’t care!” I hollered back and ran away. 

I made it to class just in time. I was all hot and sweaty from running in the halls but I couldn’t take off my cloak so I had to suffer. I was teaching the fifth years that morning. Jaskiter was all mopey still and kept looking outside the window to the park. “Jerkier!” I snapped at him.

“Sorry Professor,” he sniffled.

“Come hither and try the new spell on me,” I demanded.

“No no no no, please, no no nonononono,” Jaskire pleaded as I walked up to him. 

“Nonononoprofessor,” he kept squealing but I grabbed his arm and marched him to the center of the room. The class was boring and his squeals were always the funniest so of course I needed to practice with him.

“Ok, on three,” I told him. “Count.”

He whimpered and looked longingly at the window.

“Your wolfman isn’t going to save you, hurry up and count, pussy!” I encouraged.

“O-one,” he spluttered. “Two--”

“Avocado Kevlar!” I exploded and I sent out a blast that sent Jiskaer hurtling into the wall. He squealed like a baby pig and I chortled heartily. 

All of the suddenly, there was a gargantuan uproarious cry, and a stampede of antelopes came crashing into the classroom! I wasn’t really scared, just annoyed, but I screamed cuz I wanted to put the fear of Sedan into the preps and they all tried to run away screaming their heads off. It was hilarious.

I thought maybe the antelopes were students that had turned into beasts so I didn’t kill them but I spelled them to fall asleep and hoped they would shit in the classroom so I could make someone like Fringida clean it. Or maybe Stressed Merigold if she kept crying.

I left and searched for Tissaia to discuss this with her. I found her in her office with Margatattas and then I saw it… DABRINA!! She was buried in Margarita’s clavage. 

“You gonna suffocate her,” I yelled!!

“Don’t be dramatic, it’s the only way to keep her from crawling up Stressed’s butt,” she replied in a blasé way.

“What is it, Yenfer,” Tissaia asked from behind her desk.

It was so big compared to her that I could only see her face and shoulders.

“My class got crashed by antelopes and now I want steak.”

Smolssaia was up at once, marching to the door. She paused to look at my cape, blushed, and kept walking.

“Well, come on, show them to me!”

We all hurried to my classroom and luckily my spell was still in place so the cattle were asleep. Tissaia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. I wanted to kiss her to make her feel better. I touched her elbow suggestively but she slapped my hand away and glared at me.

“This is not the time, Yenna,” she warned in a sexy tone that made me tingle all over.

I loved it when she got bossy. Margarita adjusted Ferretina between her boobies and she clicked her tongue.

“Those would make an amazing barbecue,” she noted with gluttony.

I nodded in agreement. I thought she was alright when not trying to steal Titssaia from me.

“Ok, that is ENOUGH!!” Tissaia screamed suddenly, making me jump.

“OUch!!” Rita yelled! “That little fucker bit me right on the nipple!!”

She held the ferret in her hand and I saw it dab. Sabrina reminded me of myself when I was a 7th year too, except I was goth and not preppy and also my bewbs weren’t as humongous as hers.

“I want everyone in the dining hall in five minutes,” Yellssaia said angrily as she departed the room.

I wasn’t sure who she was addressing so I decided that Grita would take care of it and went to my room to nap. I was surprised to find Tissaia waiting for me there. I let her in my coffin and we chilled for a few seconds.

“Don’t you need to make your announcement,” I asked.

“Those idiots can wait for a few minutes. I need to think.”

I wanted to ask why she needed to grab my tits roughly for that but it felt good so I said nothing and let her do her thing.

“What do you think is going on,” she wondered out loud, moaning a little bit when I put my hand on her ass.

“I dunno.” I shrugged. Then! I had a thought. “Hey remember your eels in your pond.” I asked. 

“Yes.” she puzzled. But then, “They aren’t MY eels.” She glared at me.

“The class pet eels. Whatever. Maybe they are getting their revenge on you o_o.” I told her excitedly.

“Pshah. Eels can’t do magic.” She scoffed.

“Hm.” I pondered. It was hard to think with Titssaia’s hands just there on my boobies like that. “Can you maybe, give them a little squeeze again? Pweeze?” I batted my eyelashes sweetly.

She did and it felt organic so I trembled a little and smiled dumbly at her. I didn’t know if she could see me in the darkness of the coffin but just in case. Then suddenly I heard A NOISE!!!! And it came from inside the coffin!!!

“Aaaahahahhhhahaaaaaaa!!” I screamed!!!!

Tissaia opened the coffin quickly and in the light of day I saw IT!! Owlippa!! She’d been chilling in the coffin and we hadn’t seen her!

“What the HELL Phil!!” I yelled.

“I wasn’t perving, Jennifer, I sWear!!” She cried but I didn’t believe her, she was a big old pervert.

“What were you doing then!” I demanded furorly. 

“I didn’t want Margagrits to see me crying because I wish I was in her tits and not that ugly stinky ferret!!”

“I don’t have time for this dumbassery,” Tissaia exclaimed and she left to go to the dining hall. “Hurry it up, dumdums!” 

I was upset and sad cuz our sexy time had been interrupted and I didn’t get to put my fingers in her you-know-what.


	12. Chapter 12

The hall was packed with preps and I spotted the twink playing his harp sadly in a corner, and Stressed crying by his side. You’d have thunk they’d lost someone close to them! It was pitiful and I scoffed. Bunch of crybabies. Fringilap tried to come close to me but I pretended I didn’t notice her and when she stood in front of me I shushed her cuz Tissaia was typing her mic to test it.

“One two one two,” she started in a booming voice. “Listen up fives. You will all be quarantined to your rooms until I tell you it is safe to come out. Do NOT try to break this confinement or I will turn you into motherfucking EELS!!!”

Everyone GASPED. I rolled my eyes. “Puhlease. Some of you are gonna get turned into eels ANYWAY.” I said all matter of factly. 

“No one is turning into eels right now! Only if I find you outside of your rooms. NOW SCOOT!” 

All the students started mumbling and trudging back to their rooms. It was like they wanted to be turned into eels or ugly fugly pigs. Speaking of pigs, Stregopiggy was still chained up in the dining hall, squawking sadly.

“Shut up Peppa Pig,” I told him, “or I’ll feed you to the wolf.”

“Professor! I need to talk to you!” Frozingelsa pestered.

“No, you need to walk to your room! You heard the Rectoress! Scat!” I sniffed.

“But Professorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,” she whined. “It’s URGENT.”

“Ok set up a meeting and we can have one soon,” I told her dismissively.

“I’ve been trying to do that since before the Winter Ball and you keep denying meeeee!” she replied quite huffily.

I hated her whiny voice, she was by far the worst prep ever. I decided I’d had enough and opened a portal to my room, put up my middle finger at her and disappeared. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fangz 4 reading~~

Back in my room, I was very bored. I’d painted my coffin, repainted my nails with Sharpie, did my makeup, danced around my room singing to My Toxic Romance, tried to read a book but gave up after the introduction, played Animal Crossing, hexed Philippa a bunch of times, undid the hexes she put on me, organized all my closet by shades of black and white, and now I was BORED. It was all so boring.

I decided to make up a song about Thotssaia and how hot she is and how tingly and moist she makes me. I wanted to make it all depressing cuz it’s romantic but I wanted to be sexy so I made a rap instead. Soon after I was done and I got bored again.

Then I remembered. I’m not a student, I’m a teacher! I get to make the rules! So I went outside.

To my shocking horror, I found that everyone else was also outside of their rooms!

“What the everliving fuck is going on here, fuckers?” I thundered. “Eels eels eels! All of you eels! ALAKAZAM!!!” I was not actually going to turn them into eels but I liked to see them scream and scramble.

“Professor,” a trembling voice called.

It was Triste Merigold, and she looked like she’d been crying for like two months. 

“What’s up curls?”

“Have you seen Sabrina,” she queried.

“Who the f--oh, Dabrina. YEah. She’s with Professor Lentil. She’s safe,” I assured her.

Tris sobbed in relief and I sent her back to her room before she got turned into a sluggish beast by the love of my life. I decided to go find Missaia cuz I missed her and wanted to hold her hand and maybe french for a while. 

Teasessaia was taking a bath when I let myself in.

“Yennefer! You aren’t supposed to be here! You should be in your room!” She frowned at me.

“But I want to be quarantined with YOU,” I whined. Then I undressed and joined her in the tub. Only, it was a really fucking tiny tub, so now we were squished together and water got everywhere once my bubble butt sat in it.

“This isn’t sexy, get out,” Tickedssaia griped.

“But I wanna be close to you,” I pouted in a depressed way, cuz I wanted to be close to her. 

She rolled her eyes but she let me stay in and take a bath with her. I tried to help wash her hair and be all sexy with it but I kept pulling it accidentally and then I got soap in her eyes so then she got hella pissed and kicked me out of the bathtub. 

After many, so many, long minutes, Teasessaia finally got out of the bathtub and I went to kiss her but she stopped me. 

“No doing the naughty. I’m already clean.” she said as she wagged her finger in my face. 

I nodded. Then she kissed me and I kissed her. We made out for like two hours and then we stopped. 

“Time to find students and turn them into eels!” She clapped her hands in glee. 


	14. Chapter 14

Kissaia and I walked around Aretuza together but we had to be six feet apart and wear masks she said, because what if one of us got the wild-animal-virus. I didn’t point out that we made out for two hours because she’s the boss, and I like when she’s all bossy because it makes me wet. 

So we walked around the whole school. Every student that Tissaia de Vil found, she turned into an eel if they couldn’t run away fast enough. At first, I would chase them down and catch them, because my legs are longer than Smolssaia’s so I’m faster. I would hold them down and sit on them while they screamed and she alacadabra’d them into eels. Then I had to carry all the eels in my arms so I couldn’t chase the students anymore. 

I was lugging around fifteen eels so I said, “I’m lugging around fifteen eels.”

“Ok let’s dump them in the pond,” Tissaia smiled. 

When we got to the eel pond, all the eels in the pond started screeching. It was cuz they’re horny for Tissaia because they’re all in love with her cuz she’s hot. But I laughed at them all because she was MINE. 

Victoriously, I tossed all of the eels I was carrying into the pond. Then we said goodbye to them. The eels kept screeching. I stuck out my tongue at them. 

We were on the way back to Tissaia’s room when we heard a BANG!

It was………………..…...Fringilla!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG WUT IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW OMGOMG!!!!!!11111
> 
> FANGZ 4 READING UR THE BEST GOFFIKS AROUND
> 
> ((sorry it's so short but we're almost at the end!))


	15. Chapter 15

Cringilla stood in the middle of the hallway, looking very ominous. Her teeth were bared and her eyes were crazy looking.

“Fridgella, what are you doing? You are supposed to be in your room! What if you get the virus and turn into an elephant?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!” Fridgerator cackled heartily like a fucking maniac.

“What the hell,” I said.

“There IS NO virus,” she giggled, out of breath. “I AM THE VIRUS!” Then she waved her hands around, opened her mouth, and--

“Alakazam you SLUTTY DUMBASS!!!” Tissaia yelled before Fringorilla could even get a word out. I was too stunned to react and suddenly the prep was spinning so fast like a spinning-top and she was screaming her head off like “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!” and it was kinda funny cuz I remembered that one time I’d done the same to Philippa and she’d thrown up a bunch.

“What’s going on,” I asked all confused.

“I’m fairly certain this Frinjello Vigo just admitted to being the mastermind being all these curses,” Smartssaia explained. “We need to strip her--”

“Gross.”

“--of her MAGIC, and put her in the dungeons. Will you help me,” she asked but it didn’t feel like I had a choice.

Together we put a spell on that preppy fucker and when her magic was bound, I conjured up a gag for good measure and put it on her so she wouldn’t talk in that shrill voice of hers. Tissaia seemed very proud of me and she spanked my ass as she walked by and ordered me to take Fringrilla to a cell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ZOMG DARES ONLEE TOO CHAPTARS LEFF!!!!! FANGZ FR REEDING!!!!!


	16. Chapter 16

We all stood outside of the cell, me and Tissaia and Rita and Triss and Philippa and Jaskier. We wanted answers. When Fringida opened her eyes, she knew she’d done screw up. Triss was feral and it was kinda entertaining but also like really fucking scary.

“You BITCH!!! I WILL TEAR YOUR THROAT OUT WITH MY TEETH!! You turn her back RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!” She kept yelling and we stood there patiently waiting for her to finish cuz she seemed to have a lot of anger to let out and I respected that. Tissaia wasn’t so patient, she knocked her out of the way.

“Fringilla, listen to me. You might have a chance to be pardoned if you tell us why you did this and if you turn everyone back immediately,” she explained calmly but I could see the fireball in her hand behind her back.

“I don’t have my magic,” Fringilla pointed out and like, she did have a point. 

“Well then just tell us how to turn them back, you’re not even a great sorceress anyway,” Tissaia clucked.

Fringilla looked hyper offended and gasped in shock! But I nodded my head sagely because it was true. Philippa looked at her nails, absolutely bored with whatever was going on here so I elbowed her in the ribs. Between Margatattas’ tits, Ferretina was getting agitated. I wondered if she was secretly afraid of suffocating to death.

“Hurry it up, Frigerina we don’t have all day!” Tickedssaia shrilled.

Bitchssaia was so hot, I wanted to kiss her all over her body and make her feel warm. Fringilla sighed but she closed her eyes to focus, thinking super hard and then she told us. It was……..

“Bippity boppity boo! Turn into an [insert animal] you poo!” she exclaimed. 

“...... THAT’S IT?” Margarita bellowed. “You did all of this shit with that shit ass curse?!”

“You’re shit ass,” Fringrill mumbled.

“WHAT?! LET ME IN!!!! Let me in with that punk, it’s ON!!” Margagrita shouted, and she was shaking so hard that Ferretina was tossing around in her cleavage. I almost felt bad for her but then I thought if I was a ferret in Tissaia’s bewbs I’d probably love it there so Idk.

“Margarita, behave,” Tissaia warned in a low voice. I was SO gonna try to get some later.

“Can I come out of this cage, now?” Fringilla had the audacity to ask.

“Do I look like a moron to you,” Tissaia replied matter-of-factly.

Fridigal kept quiet but you could see in her crazy eyes she did think so, and I decided I would fail all of her exams of the year and also maybe set her best dresses on fire.

“Why did you do it,” I finally remembered to ask.

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for MONTHS!!!” She shouted at me, which was hilarious. “You NEVER listened to me!! Never even gave me a chance!! You KEEP MAKING FUNNY FACES WHEN I SPEAK!! THERE!!! YOU’RE DOING IT NOW!!!!”

“Am I?”

“You kind of are,” Philippa confirmed, making a face at me which was probably a lame attempt at imitating me. “It’s like you want to be a gigantic, pedantic asshole.”

I pondered for two seconds but I didn’t really feel like apologizing to a prep so I shrugged it off.

“So was that why you turned my precious Geralt into a wolf,” Jaskied chimed in angrily. “Because Professor Vengerbang behaved like a turd? WELL NEWSFLASH YOU PUFFED UP PREPUCE SHE DOES THAT TO EVERYONE!!!”

I wasn’t even offended, cuz he was right. 

“You’re ridiculous and your music sucks and Geralt will never love you back,” Fringilla spat in his face.

“Ooooohhhh,” I hollered, “daaaaamn!!! Go on bard, go on!”

“ENOUGH!!!” Yellssaia screamed, making everyone startle and Javier pee his pants a little. “EVERYONE, OUT!! I will deal with Fringina myself!”

“It’s Fringilla,” the prep corrected.

“Shut the FUCK UP!!!” Tissaia yelled, pointing her finger at her.

We all left and I debated whether to go to Tissaia’s bedroom and touch her things but then thought maybe she’d be mad and I wanted sexy time not yelly time. So instead I went to my room with Philippa to chill.

We chilled and it was kinda boring so I asked her about Margarita and if they were dating now and she laughed and said they were just rubbing coochies. I didn’t know you could do that so I decided I’d ask Tissaia later if we could try it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG NEX CHAPFER IZ DA LAST ONE R U RDY


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DIS IS DA END FUCKERS!! FANGZ SO MUCH 4 READING N DON;;T 4GET 2 TELL US HOW MUCH U H8 DIS BUT NO FLAMSE OKY!!!!11111111

Before I had the chance, Tissaia summoned everyone to the dining hall and when we entered………… everyone was turned back to normal!!! Triste Merigold ran into Dabrina’s arms and cried, predictably. Jaskier tried to do the same with Wolfie but Geralt just kinda looked away and patted him on the shoulder cringily. Stregobor was also back but no one ran to hug him. I bet he still smelled like boar shit. Meanssaia was side-eyeing him pretty bad. There was a ball announcement for the next day and then everyone was dismissed so we could all go to our rooms or in the park. I wanted to eat something so I went to the kitchens and grabbed some sliced meat and bread, and I chilled with Wreck-It Renfri who was pretending to eat. She was such a weirdo but everyone gave her a pass because of her tragic death or something. Geralt had killed her with a spell during his first year by accident. It was so strange to watch her pretend-eat because she couldn’t touch things so she just ate like dogs but nothing ever disappeared from her plate. Was kinda sad but funny.

When I was done snacking I figured it was time to get the real snacc I wanted so I headed over to Titssaia’s chambers. I knocked and came in while she was undressing and I had a brain fart.

“Oh, Yennefer, right on cue. I need help getting out of this dress. Be a dear?”

I almost tripped over myself in my hurry to help. Her skin was pale and smooth and I kissed her on the shoulder. I whispered dirty words in her ears and she pounced on me, tearing off my clothes and we did the seks.

Once it was over I remembered my rap song and I told Sekssaia that I had made up a song about her and she smiled all happily so I decided to perform and I stood nekked and rapped about how lovely I thought she was.

Titssaia clapped so hard, her bewbs bouncing and I was hypnotized and we seksed again.

__

The celebration ball was pretty cool, even though all the preps were here and I just didn’t care for them. I was drinking with Tipssaia who was slurring her peach and it was cute. Phil was dancing with Rita in a rather obscene way, traumatizing the first years and I saw that Drake boi dancing with Geralt’s not-sister Cereal.

“Yennif, wanna dance,” Drunkssaia asked after an hour.

“If you don’t step on my toes,” I joked.

She looked all sad and depressed so I kissed her cheek and told her I was joking. I didn’t want her to think I was a dumb bitch so I stood up and carried her to the dancefloor where we danced and made everyone jealous because of how cute and hot we were.

I dipped Tissaia and almost dropped her but she grabbed my tiddies to steady herself. 

“Maybe we should go back to your room,” I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows.

“Hmm maybe you have good ideas sometimes,” she replied cheekily.

I opened a portal to her room and we left the ball and all the preppy fuckers there. I kissed Teasessaia all over and we both had an organism quickly but we decided to go for round two so I suggested doing the scissors like Philippa showed me and Thotssaia said yes.

I was the happiest woman in the WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111one(1)

__

We only remembered Fringilla down in her cell after 3 weeks and she’d turned into a smelly corpse by then and we now had a second ghost... …. Frigid Fringilla!!!

  
  
  


_**THE ENDDDDDDDD** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFG FANGZ TO BLUDINDAFEELDS 4 RITING DIS W ME AND FANGZ 2 ALL U SUPA GOFFIK PEPPL 4 BEING DA BEST LOVE U U ROK


End file.
